x
Why You’ll Never Tell

I think the biggest problem about feeling suicidal is you live your life in thirds.

Part of you yearn to ask for help. You want to kick and scream and cry for help, thrashing about like an unruly child until the lifeguard finally notices that you’re drowning and pulls you out. You want your voice to be a siren wailing in the night until your throat is raw; every scar on your skin to be flashing red lights, brighter than your crimson insides as you shed blood and tears in your agony. HELP ME you scream because your head is filled to the brim with a crowd of reasons to go, but you don’t want to, you want so desperately for someone to see that you hurt because you need surgeons and scalpels to remove this tumorous self hatred; you know this cancer that rots your heart and head could never really be removed, but you NEED someone to help you subdue it.

Part of you is ashamed at ever telling anyone. What right have you to put that kind of pressure on anyone? You need help, but you’re terrified of being the one who emotionally manipulates others into sticking around, and you know it wouldn’t be what you mean, but how else can you describe “Don’t go, I need you, without you I would kill myself” ? So you keep quiet, because no one you love could stand that pressure, and you could never live with that guilt.

But I think the hardest part is that part of you, the part that really keeps you from telling people, is that even though you want the help, even though you need them to know, once they do it would be harder to accomplish the task. And you may need help, but you NEED that option more. Because honestly, the knowledge that if life ever gets too far for you to handle, you could end it, you could die, is the only security you’ve ever known.
You may be afraid to die, because it’s so permanent, it’s so unknown, and so many stories have told you, you’ll burn. It’s true, you may be afraid to die, but you’re afraid to live too. You live so many moments in fear and pain and anger; your lungs, you head, your heart, they fight you, and the world feels like it resents you, and the only safe haven you’ve ever really known is the safety behind that fact- the safety in knowing you have the option to end it.

You don’t want to die, and a third of your EVERYTHING is determined to get the help you need, but when another third needs the comfort of having the choice, and the last third refuses to give the discomfort of the knowledge that THAT is your security….

Let’s face it: You’re never going to tell.

x
Catalina Mancilla -CaTW by Lukahhhhhhhh

This is Catalina Mancilla II [named after her paternal grandmother]

She goes by Cat, she’s been in gymnastics for several years [joined by Marcelannah for the last three], she’s a SERIOUS book worm [she’s mostly into the fantasy genre, she also enjoys classic literature], she’s kind of shy outside of her close friends [read: nearly antisocial], and has different coloured eyes [one green, one brown]!

Marcelannah’s her best friend [and in turn, she’s Marcelannah’s best friend]
She has a Daniff [Great Dane, Mastiff mix] named Terror [who is a big grump to almost everyone like 90% of the time, but adores Cat and for some reason Chase] 
And she sorta wants to be a yoga instructor.

I got super lazy on this so I kinda skipped a few faces because faces take me a long time to do right;;;;;

Catalina Mancilla -CaTW by Lukahhhhhhhh

This is Catalina Mancilla II [named after her paternal grandmother]

She goes by Cat, she’s been in gymnastics for several years [joined by Marcelannah for the last three], she’s a SERIOUS book worm [she’s mostly into the fantasy genre, she also enjoys classic literature], she’s kind of shy outside of her close friends [read: nearly antisocial], and has different coloured eyes [one green, one brown]!

Marcelannah’s her best friend [and in turn, she’s Marcelannah’s best friend]
She has a Daniff [Great Dane, Mastiff mix] named Terror [who is a big grump to almost everyone like 90% of the time, but adores Cat and for some reason Chase]
And she sorta wants to be a yoga instructor.

I got super lazy on this so I kinda skipped a few faces because faces take me a long time to do right;;;;;

x
Other Sterek thing

by Lukahhhhhhhh

Sometimes he almost hated himself for the thought, but Stiles loved how he and Derek- or more specifically, mostly Derek- had sex like they were dying. It sounded painful and morbid, but Derek watched him like he was lost and nearly frightened; his eyes wide with wonder, and hands shaky as if he were the one completely at a loss as to why anyone would be touching him like he mattered. Every time Stiles touched, or kissed him, or told him how beautiful he was- Derek took these shuddery little breaths and let out these broken punched out sounds, as if he could actually be dying, could actually cease existence at any given moment simply because

Read more

x
Sterek thing

by Lukahhhhhhhh

Derek had found, it would surprise you just how many ways Stiles blatantly displayed what he was capable of everyday.

It would surprise you how time and time again his abilities and notions went unnoticed, despite how often he showed just what he could do.

It was in the things he said and how he said them- his sarcasm dripping and wit sharpened from practice and sass, his mind brimming with everything he could tell you at any given moment.
Derek had found that for all Stiles seemed to ramble, for all the seemingly unimportant things he seemed to spew at the world en mass, he actually never had a moment without something important to say.
It

Read more

x
Cana Preview

by Lukahhhhhhhh

 Feet pounding the earth beneath them like the pulse of a great beast, and voices chorusing their struggles to the sky above them, the children of the Tihachi tribe danced around the fire, preparing for war. Cana’s fierce green eyes betrayed nothing as Nahani smeared blood and honey over bronzed flesh in swirls of sticky red and shimmering gold. The others around them tumbled about the roaring flame, eyes dancing with it’s merriment as their laughter and songs echoed into the night. Tomorrow they would no longer be babes who knew naught but innocence. Tomorrow they would bask in the harsh reality of age and bathe in the blood of c

Read more

x
Unnamed Dog by Lukahhhhhhhh
This is Catalina’s Daniff [Dane/Mastiff mix] And I did p good so I figured I’d show him off before I get back to work on the picture.

Unnamed Dog by Lukahhhhhhhh
This is Catalina’s Daniff [Dane/Mastiff mix] And I did p good so I figured I’d show him off before I get back to work on the picture.

x
preview and ideas? by Lukahhhhhhhh
partially a preview pic for Cat, but also a little help ask, I want to hear some ideas for what I could put on her shirt! It could be a joke or something, preferably no fandom references though.

preview and ideas? by Lukahhhhhhhh
partially a preview pic for Cat, but also a little help ask, I want to hear some ideas for what I could put on her shirt! It could be a joke or something, preferably no fandom references though.

x
Suman Atmuri -CaTW by Lukahhhhhhhh
Suman Atmuri is a character in my Chase and The Werewolf story. [unofficial title]
She’s 15 but she’s a bit tall for her age.

Her name is pronounced Soo-mah [silent n] At-mer-ee.
She’s a vegetarian, interested in theatrics [and is admittedly a little dramatic] and is HIGHLY intelligent!
She likes to do her hair, and gets up early each morning to do so, and she maybe sorta kinda has a crush on Chase, but shhhhh
it’s a secret, okay?

Suman Atmuri -CaTW by Lukahhhhhhhh
Suman Atmuri is a character in my Chase and The Werewolf story. [unofficial title]
She’s 15 but she’s a bit tall for her age.

Her name is pronounced Soo-mah [silent n] At-mer-ee.
She’s a vegetarian, interested in theatrics [and is admittedly a little dramatic] and is HIGHLY intelligent!
She likes to do her hair, and gets up early each morning to do so, and she maybe sorta kinda has a crush on Chase, but shhhhh
it’s a secret, okay?

x
Taken By The Music by Lukahhhhhhhh
I have so much I’m supposed to be working on, and instead I coloured Artgerm’s lineart oops….

The original lines can be found Here

I had fun colouring this, spent a good hour or so on it! I got lazy with the background but my hand was starting to hurt, I need to refill my pain meds soon :/

Am I the only one who thinks the headphones look like boobs though???? I laughed about that the entire time I was colouring them, because I am highly mature.

Taken By The Music by Lukahhhhhhhh
I have so much I’m supposed to be working on, and instead I coloured Artgerm’s lineart oops….

The original lines can be found Here

I had fun colouring this, spent a good hour or so on it! I got lazy with the background but my hand was starting to hurt, I need to refill my pain meds soon :/

Am I the only one who thinks the headphones look like boobs though???? I laughed about that the entire time I was colouring them, because I am highly mature.

x
Naruto Redo Meme by Lukahhhhhhhh So the picture on the left I drew in the beginning of the sixth grade, back in 2007. I’d say I was about eleven.  The picture on the right I just finished, I’m nearing the end of my twelfth grade year, and am eighteen. Seven years, damn.
I don’t even have words for how ashamed I am for my anatomy skills [or really, lack thereof], you have no idea.  I didn’t color or shade things, I was heavily influenced by anime [which isn’t a bad thing, I promise you] and I ignored proportions.
But I mean, look how I’ve improved!!

Naruto Redo Meme by Lukahhhhhhhh
So the picture on the left I drew in the beginning of the sixth grade, back in 2007. I’d say I was about eleven.
The picture on the right I just finished, I’m nearing the end of my twelfth grade year, and am eighteen.
Seven years, damn.

I don’t even have words for how ashamed I am for my anatomy skills [or really, lack thereof], you have no idea.
I didn’t color or shade things, I was heavily influenced by anime [which isn’t a bad thing, I promise you] and I ignored proportions.

But I mean, look how I’ve improved!!

x
So I cleaned up an old painting..the one on top is the original, the bottom one is my cleaned up version, but I honestly can’t say if I actually made it better or not…
What do you think?

So I cleaned up an old painting..the one on top is the original, the bottom one is my cleaned up version, but I honestly can’t say if I actually made it better or not…

What do you think?

x
6 Break away by Lukahhhhhhhh
I think the recolour for this turned out well! The anatomy is still a bit off, but I am far too lazy to actually fix that so pbbbbbt

6 Break away by Lukahhhhhhhh
I think the recolour for this turned out well! The anatomy is still a bit off, but I am far too lazy to actually fix that so pbbbbbt

x
5 Seeking Solace  by Lukahhhhhhhh
//touched up

A lone faerie, seeking solace from the world.
In a lot of the old stories of faeries and fae magic if wings were even mentioned [and they usually weren’t] then they were described as ribbed and fleshy.
So I’ve always sort of imagined they’d be like bat wings then.
They’re also often described as inhumanly beautiful and rather feminine, so I decided to make him a pretty boy haha

So anyways, what do you think?

5 Seeking Solace by Lukahhhhhhhh
//touched up

A lone faerie, seeking solace from the world.
In a lot of the old stories of faeries and fae magic if wings were even mentioned [and they usually weren’t] then they were described as ribbed and fleshy.
So I’ve always sort of imagined they’d be like bat wings then.
They’re also often described as inhumanly beautiful and rather feminine, so I decided to make him a pretty boy haha

So anyways, what do you think?

x
4 Colors by Lukahhhhhhhh
I got to play with colours a little, which is always fun, plus unlike most of my drawings, self portraits always have references, which makes them a lot easier, and much faster work, so that’s always nice uwu
It didn’t turn out half bad if you ask me!

4 Colors by Lukahhhhhhhh
I got to play with colours a little, which is always fun, plus unlike most of my drawings, self portraits always have references, which makes them a lot easier, and much faster work, so that’s always nice uwu
It didn’t turn out half bad if you ask me!

x
3. Light by Lukahhhhhhhh
When I think Light I tend to think of sunlight or moonlight or starlight…
Sometimes I think of the northern lights, or so called heavenly lights, but no matter which one, I’m inevitably thinking of the sky.
So I decided to doodle some sort of sky and clouds deal [which let’s face it, is one of the things I do most often] and I think it’s pretty idk.

3. Light by Lukahhhhhhhh
When I think Light I tend to think of sunlight or moonlight or starlight…
Sometimes I think of the northern lights, or so called heavenly lights, but no matter which one, I’m inevitably thinking of the sky.
So I decided to doodle some sort of sky and clouds deal [which let’s face it, is one of the things I do most often] and I think it’s pretty idk.